My Life, My WAY!

I have the hold and I can carry on...

No matter how wild the winds I am still strong

However dark the clouds may be

However the hard the path becomes

They will always see a smiling ME

For nothing can ever make me numb...

I have the will to DREAM FREE

I have it all, I have it in ME!

I create my destiny as I move along

I will break through all the bonds

For I am the MASTER of my life

And I am the CAPTAIN of MY SOUL!!!

A HUNDRED FLIGHTS TOGETHER!

It is about a beautiful Tuesday morning. Not that my Tuesdays are any special, but that morning indeed was in many ways. The most important thing being that I managed to get up early and go for a morning walk!

My maa, for most part of her life till date, has been an early riser. This is one thing she has always wished me to inherit from her. And I, in my 26 years, would have hardly welcomed the sun. But the credit of my getting up early doesn't go to mum, the honor is reserved for a friend who took all the trouble to wake me up and that too as early as 6:40 AM. Amazingly I turn deaf to the alarms!

The society where I live is surrounded by a lot of trees and parks. And with the world getting health conscious, we have many early risers in all shapes and sizes who kick start their day with a dose of nature in these parks. Mummy has always been fussy about my weight and health. She has tried, in every way possible, to get me out of bed early and go to the grounds, may be for a single round only. So, the second reason the morning was beautiful was that mum was very happy seeing me gearing up with my shoes.

With all set and done, I was waiting in the park downstairs for maa to come, when a man with a big polythene bag in his hand crossing the ground grabbed my attention. He went all the way to the center of the park. No sooner the man reached the center  a flock of pigeons came rushing towards him as if they have been eagerly waiting for him to come. I noticed that the man was carrying the bird food in the bag. And watching their friendly relation, I could easily make out that this has been a routine affair. The pigeons welcomed him in their own language. He started spreading the food on the ground and the birds were rejoicing both, the food and his company.

The pigeons were continuously coming in and going out but magically their number seemed to be constant. This kept on going for about fifteen more minutes and then the man was ready to leave. Until then I did not know that I were to witness a majestic sight. Just as the man was leaving, all the pigeons, as if to pay their tribute to him, rose high in the sky with their wings spread. All of a sudden my view was full of pigeons rising everywhere in the sky with their wings spread. It was like a hundred flights together where the timing and co-ordination of each was so perfect. Every bird was making the way for the other. The view was panoramic and the color of the sky was in perfect contrast with that of the pigeons. There is nothing that could have made it more beautiful.

Everything around looked just perfect. The early morning, the cool breeze gently brushing against my face and a hundred flying pigeons in the sky. It was then that I realized what I have been losing all these years that I spent sleeping till late in the mornings. I have been losing the opportunity to be one with the nature. I was so dumbstruck with all that was happening around me that I did not notice when Maa came. I went to the park for the walk. But for all the time that I was walking, the thought of the pigeons did not leave me. And its instances like these that makes life worth living!

I am reminded of a Hindi dialect which goes with the situation perfectly ‘Uth jaag musafir bhor bhai ab rain kahan Jo sovat hai. Jo sovat hai so khovat hai, Jo jagat hai so pavat hai’

A Day Without Phone!

It was morning, just another morning. Not a good one or I suppose may be not for me. It was 8:00 and I was still cuddling in my quilt. Well its winters and since I am not working, I can rightfully sleep till late. I peeped at my Smartphone. There were a few messages waiting for me to open. But I felt slothful and decided to take another 15 minute nap. Though maa kept on reminding me of the time but at the time, laziness took the better of me :) (In fact it always does).  

I finally opened my eyes when my phone beeped again. It was yet another message on my whatsapp, probably on our college group. I got up and was reading the messages when suddenly out of the blue my phone stopped working. As in no activity at all!

I tried to revive it to life but all in vain. Right from the day I bought this gadget, I have been obsessed with it. Generally people, relations and friends they come at the top on my priority list. Materials too find its way in the list but a little later. I feared what if it didn’t work... I took out its battery and put it back again in place, turned it on and to my relief, it was working!  All my fears subsided.

I was going 'lotpot' reading the messages and was just about to reply when the phone again went in "no activity" zone. It was like my phone wanted to play hide and seek with me. I sensed that something wasn't right with the phone. I repeated the whole process-taking out the battery, putting it yet again in place and switching the phone on. It started working again but my relief was short lived. It went dead again. I finally came to face the fact that there was some PROBLEM WITH MY PHONE.

All my sluggishness vanished and I went into a state of panic. It was as though, it’s not just a phone that went dead instead my lifeline. I got up from bed in haste and went shouting in the kitchen telling my mom what all just happened. She laughed at me as if I were a 3 yr old kid crying for her broken toy. Herr reaction felt so weird or may be I couldn't relate to it. For her generation, phone is just a device to talk with only two functions- call and receive the phone. But for me and my generation, Smart phones are way more than just a phone. It’s a way to stay connected to all that matters. Ever since I got in possession of this gadget, my changed drastically. The World seemed just a click away! It had all the functions and many more that I could have imagined and wanted at the click of a finger. Even being alone I were virtually never alone. I could always stay connected with my friends and could reach them anytime anywhere…

It was around 9’o clock and the mobile stores would open around noon. I still had to pass three long hours before I could get the problem diagnosed. I decided to keep myself busy and not think about my phone in all that while. For a start, I started with my morning tea and rest of the things followed. By the time I completed the work it was 11:00 and I had just an hour left. I got ready and left for the mobile store. Seeing the store open, I thanked God. The faces were familiar because I got my phone’s software upgraded hardly three days back. And since then it had been giving me trouble. So I thought maybe it had got something to do with it. The engineer took the phone and asked me to wait. I was anxiously waiting and hoping that it would be a minor fault. The person came and told me that it had to taken to the company’s service centre only. I came out of the store with my head hung low. 

I called a friend who had a good knowledge about the gadgets. When it comes to me about the gadgets, all I can be helpful in is just the design and the color. He came and I told him about what all happened since morning. He laughed at my disappointment and the eagerness with which I wanted my phone back to life. Finally when his laughter subsided, we started looking for the nearest service center. Luckily we could locate a center at a 20-25 minute distance. We reached there in no time. We went in, filled the form dutifully and waited for the turn. When my turn came, I told them the problem. They took the phone and told me that I would have to leave the phone with them for a day so they could get my phone working. We came back. The rest of the day was uneventful. Nothing much happened or maybe I was too occupied with my phone to notice what all was happening around.

The new day came and with it came the new hopes. I was hopeful that I would get my phone back to working today. I was waiting for the call from the service center  The call came at around 3:00 in the afternoon. I, within no time, reached there. I went to the concerned person and told them about the call I received. They asked me to wait for my turn. I was waiting when I heard my name being announced. I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. I settled in the chair and the girl in the opposite seat told me that my phone would not work properly. Infact the motherboard of the device crashed and it had to be repaired which would in turn cost me around 10 grand. I was aghast. Its been just a month up from its one year warranty. I asked for the options. But, cursed be that inauspicious day, nothing else could make the gadget work. I felt so depressed about the whole event. I took the phone back and left the place.

I dint drive back home straight. Instead I halt my car at a deserted place and took some time to think. I looked back at the events that took place since yesterday. I paused for a moment to think that why have I made myself so dependent on a gadget. Why have I linked my happiness with something that is dead in scientific terms?  Why did I forget that I had a life and that too a good one before I got this phone? Infact why do we all start to link our happiness with the materials? I am living in an era where the technology has given us the gift to connect with anybody in any part of this globe. But emotions are giving up on us.  Emoticons are at a fast pace replacing the Emotions. The World might be shrinking but the distance in the relations is only increasing.We prefer to stay connected to each other through social networking sites and IM’s but never face to face. Where I know what my friend in US might be doing but not what my mother or grandmother requires sitting in another room of the same house. Aren't things getting too superficial, the smiles plastic and hearts becoming stone!

One day a friend cracked a joke, “In old times people used to greet each other by taking off their hats. And today, we greet each other by taking off the ear pods”. Yes, it did sound like a joke the other day I heard it. But it’s a melancholy that we, as humans, have come to live this day. I got my lesson from the whole event. 

Now, I know when things happen, they happen for a reason. Now, I know what was it that I needed to realize. Life has its own way of teaching lessons. Some come softly and some are taught by harder ways. But life makes sure the lessons get through! 

I leave it onto you what is it that you prefer- Using and ruling the materials or being ruled by them…

And yes, I still haven’t got my phone repaired. I am still not on whatsapp and the miracle is I AM STILL ALIVE!

When you say nothing at all

November 21, 2011

Today I feel so low because you are not here with me. I miss you with every moment passing by wherever I may be. My mind sets nowhere and just thinks about you. I want to talk a lot but our talks are due. My lips are trembling and calling your name. I cannot see you in front of me and I am going through this pain. 

My tears are in trauma should they flow out or lay inside. They want to roll down my cheeks but don't as they have no one to value them and wipe them off. My hand holds one another as it cannot hold yours. It wanders for only your warm touch, I am sure. 

My heart beats faster at the mere thought of your being here giving me a sense of joy and relief. How much I love you, how much I miss you is all I know but cannot show. I miss you with every beat of my heart. I have no way of showing my feelings. I can’t completely let go of you or let go of “US”. All I can say is, “I Love You” more than I can say. I know you don’t want to hear it but it makes no sense to pretend that I don’t.

All will be fine with time but never with you. It’s not that, I want you to be with me every time. But its just I don’t want anyone else to have you for a second. May be I will cry less with each day gone but the pain will always be there. It has gripped a corner of my heart forever. The love we shared and gave to each other will forever remain there and will only go to my heavens with me. 

There was a time when you demanded all my attention, all my love and care and today, today when I have all of it only for you in this world you don’t want it. It is making me feel deserted. It is making me feel left and abandoned. And it pains like a hundred thousand needles pricking together. It is as if day by day my life is leaving me. Where did I go wrong? Where did I lack? What wrong did I do to deserve this?

I have loved you with all my “Being”. I keep on tracing back the path of time and reliving my days with you, only with a wish to have them back. There is nothing that can ever lessen the pain of you leaving me. It might get faded but would always be there. On this special day I am reminded of the yester years- making promises for tomorrow, living the promises made earlier, lost in each other. 

There is nothing more comforting and yet so painful than to remember the sweet moments lived by. I am still in a dilemma whether I ever will be able to figure out my life without you or not. “Come Back” is all my soul screams out. “Just This Once” is all I have to pray to my lord.